Humour, Silliness, Jokes, whatever
Thanks to Dangerous Dave for the following. Dave is a dinghy sailor too, back in the UK. See his Fireball page here.
An IT contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the Angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possible get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologises for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!"
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the draftee sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive."
Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!"
The man is awe struck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty."
"That's simply impossible my son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."
Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
The MD wanted to evaluate the initiative of his employees, so at the next weekly meeting he presented the Finance, Sales and IT department with a task.
He said "Next week I want each of you to give a talk using these as the central prop" and handed each department two ball bearings.
The following week the departments met and gave their talks.
The Finance department began:
"We attached some thread to each ball and hung them both in a frame made out of pencils sellotaped together thus creating a simple Newton's Cradle. This helps to show the principles of the conservation of energy."
The Sales department followed with:
"We stretched a split balloon over the top of this waste paper basket. We then placed one ball bearing in the middle and rolled the second ball around the first one. This helps explain how mass distorts space, showing the effects of gravity in two dimensions using the second ball as an orbiting object."
Then came the IT departments turn:
"We broke one and lost the other."
(Dave. Is this one autobiographical?)
There are four engineers travelling in a car - a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.
"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.
"Well", says the chemical engineer, "It sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clean out the fuel system."
"I thought it might be an earthing problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."
They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and ask: "Well, what do you think?"
"Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and then get back in again?"
Thanks, Dave. Keep on taking the tablets.
