Humour, Silliness, Jokes, whatever

 

Betting with the Inland Revenue

The Inland Revenue decides to run an audit on Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable."

"Why not? I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!"

Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "That's not possible. It's a bet!"

Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell that Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand pounds, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Would you like to go double or quits?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you that I can stand on one side of your desk and piss into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, already burned twice, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. At least he can get his money back.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains for all his worth, he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just saved himself from a major loss. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it."